Best of the police reports 2013 - through June

Published on Tue, Dec 31, 2013
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February 3, 8 p.m.: A gentleman from California tried to leave the U.S. for Canada in order to escape government surveillance. Canadian Customs brought him back to the U.S. after he explained to them that the homemade helmet he was wearing was covered with mirrors to deflect the beams that were transmitted by his watchers. When he threatened to kill himself to escape his mental captors, border officers called police. Blaine officers took the traveler into protective custody and transported him to hospital for evaluation.

February 17, 11:10 p.m.: Two young men reported that a resident of an adjoining apartment building had made threatening motions at them as they were parking their vehicles in the common parking area. Police contacted and interviewed the person who made the gestures. She denied purposefully trying to frighten anyone and countered that the young men were probably exaggerating anything they might have seen. She was warned to not attempt any more comical stabbing motions á la the Bates Motel while standing close to windows that look over the parking lot.

February 22, 11:42 p.m.: Just before midnight, police responded to a 911 call from a man stating that he had been robbed near the intersection of 3rd and G Streets by a big guy who was possibly armed. It turned out that the big guy the caller referred was the police officer who had written the caller a traffic ticket an hour earlier. The caller then complained that he was employed by the Miss America Pageant and was paid in cash for his labors only to have the ticket writer steal his money. The responding officers tried to help the caller through his concerns but his mental state made that difficult. In the end he was warned that false reporting was a criminal offense.

March 28, 2 p.m.: A Blaine resident advised the city that he was concerned that bird species in and around Drayton Harbor might be adversely impacted by hobbyists flying model airplanes over the shoreline and marina. Police are investigating the report.

April 3, 2:28 a.m.: Police were dispatched when a lady called to demand that her boyfriend leave their motel room for the night. Officers arrived and learned that the woman had become incensed upon finding her loved one using his cell phone to visit a dating site. The boyfriend’s base instincts apparently included the desire for self-preservation, as he had fled of his own prior to police arrival.

May 1, 8:22 a.m.: According to witnesses who called police, a woman became upset with the boyfriend in whose home she was residing. After they argued and he set out for the day’s work, she sat down and imbibed a spirituous breakfast. Once fortified she stood up and set to work demolishing her boyfriend’s apartment, not letting her intoxication impair her ability to ventilate drywall, smash glass, and disappear on foot before police arrived. The investigating officers catalogued the mess, obtained statements from the witnesses and victim, and will seek a warrant for the 40-year-old suspect if she is not soon located.

May 4, 2:10 p.m.: An anonymous passerby called police to express concern about two little girls walking along Marine Drive with bare feet and no adults nearby. An officer found the energetic tomboys celebrating the warm spring Saturday with a fishing expedition. They accepted a ride home across town in a police car, once they were assured they could bring along the treasures they’d found on the beach.

May 5, 1:09 a.m.: A couple was spending the night in a Blaine motel when the intoxicated male half found upsetting information on his sleeping girlfriend’s cellphone. He woke her up to talk about his angst, and moments later he was using his own phone to call 911 for rescue. The arriving officers found that no physical assault had occurred, though it was apparent the gentleman had found the extreme limit of his partner’s patience with his inebriated insecurities. Both halves declined assistance with relocation.

May 27, 10:09 a.m.: Police were dispatched to a report of a single gunshot heard in a residential neighborhood. An officer arrived and searched the area for the source. A neighborhood canvass revealed that a squirrel had been doing some unauthorized electrical work on a nearby city power pole and got its wires crossed. A Blaine City Light crew had been dispatched to resolve the resulting local power outage. The squirrel had been self-dispatched by his acrobatics.

May 31, 4:35 p.m.: Canada Border Services personnel intercepted an elderly man who arrived at the Douglas border crossing on I-5 in his pickup truck. The gent had disappeared from his home in Gresham, Oregon a day earlier. They returned the man and his vehicle to U.S. customs officers at the Peace Arch port of entry, and police were called. Officers confirmed that the man had been reported missing by his wife in Oregon on Thursday when he did not return home from a short drive. The gentleman did not realize that he had lost an entire day and night, and was astonished to hear that he was now at the Canadian border, explaining that he had left his house for a drive southbound. Police arranged for the gentleman to meet with a social services specialist at hospital in Bellingham, while his family in Oregon made arrangements to collect him.

June 2, 12:50 a.m.: An intoxicated neighborhood resident, tired of his car being dinged by weekend warriors, decided to sneak up and pop out of his hedge with his BB pistol to accost a group of young people he spotted near his car after midnight. He missed seeing that two police officers were standing beside the juveniles. A moment after he popped out of the bushes a brief but decisive understanding of relative firepower potential was achieved. After the officers determined that the gunslinger’s intent he was educated about all of the potential negative results of his actions.